


Underneath it all

by Nubladhara



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Caring Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), F/M, Levi Ackerman Has Feelings, Levi Ackerman Has Issues, Levi Ackerman Needs a Hug, Tall Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), soft, spoiler free
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-22 22:40:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nubladhara/pseuds/Nubladhara
Summary: It's been almost a year since the titans mysteriously disappeared and the scout regiment has been working hard to find the reason behind it. With every failure, there's speculation the scout regiment will no longer be needed soon. Could this be the chance for Levi to finally be allowed to open up and accept his feelings for his strongest squad member?The thing about forbidden love is, sometimes it makes you want it that much more.Story also published on wattpad.Manga and anime SPOILER FREE. In order to keep this story spoiler free, this story takes place in the AOT universe in an alternate timeline. I don't own any AOT characters.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	1. One

Freedom.

That's what it felt like riding my horse so fast the wind felt nice on my skin. Even with the restriction of staying in formation, it was still a pleasure to leave the walls.

Today's expedition, like the many others in the past months, was the same. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even a clue as to what caused the sudden disappearance of the titans. It was as if they had never even existed, or at least it seemed like that outside the walls. A simple mind would find this to be great, a new beginning for humanity. But those who thought more deeply understood this could be the opposite; something bigger could be coming.

Even with the vast fields of greenery, the bright blue sky, and the occasional wildlife, my eyes kept wandering back to him.

Levi Ackerman. Captain.

Though I could only see a fraction of the side of his face from where I road, I was sure I knew what the rest looked like. He stared straight ahead, his face free from any emotion. Even still, there was something in his eyes that showed something. It was so subtle it was easy to miss, but behind those eyes I saw the same dark cloud that hid behind my own.

Most found him rude, which I wouldn't necessarily object, and others found him intimidating. Some just found him flat out unapproachable.

Despite this, we somehow managed to get along, or at least as far as "getting along" went with Levi. We'd both agree we wouldn't consider each other friends, but he and I seemed to understand each other in an unspoken way. It could just be due to the fact we both came from the underground.

We choose to never talk about it, neither of us like to open up about it. I'd never willingly tell anyone about it anyway, let alone someone like Levi.

Despite his cold nature, I still felt comfort in him more than with anyone else. Maybe even...

"Why are you starting at him?"

I jump slightly at the voice that seemingly came out of no where. "Sasha!" I lightly scold. "We're supposed to stay in formation." My voice was just above a whisper, just loud enough for her to hear me, as if the others even had a chance to considering how far they were.

"As if it matters, we're almost back anyway."

I don't reply, knowing that since things calmed down expeditions weren't nearly as strict and composed as they were before.

"You like him," she teases.

My eyes widen. "I would never! Levi's-"

She laughs, interrupting. "I know. He's.." she trails off, shuddering.

"He's just Levi," I shrug. I know he's so serious, but I don't understand why most people get so intimidated by him.

"Easy for you to say, no one seems to phase you," she says.

Oh Sasha, if you would've had the same childhood I did..

\+ + + + +

We quietly ride through the first wall entrance and are greeted with the usual annoyed crowd.

"What a waste, from the looks of it they found nothing again. At this rate what's the point? Can't we put money towards moving forward instead of dwelling on the past?"

I glance over at Levi just in time to see him roll his eyes as he mutters something under his breath.

He'd been spending a lot of time alone lately, even more than usual. He seemed to be looking for answers, looking for something. Maybe he wanted to find confirmation that it was finally safe to live outside the walls. Or maybe he was like me, though I would never admit it, was hoping for something to happen to finally feel purposeful again.

Maybe the angry civilians were partially right. What were we doing? We signed up to put our lives on the line to protect humanity from the outside. Now that there was seemingly nothing, what were we? What was I?

We didn't even get the satisfaction of success. One day they were littering everywhere and then the next day, nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was eerie the following days. I remember everyone holding their breaths expecting anything.

We make our way back to headquarters. The others in our squad seem relieved and indifferent to the fact nothing was found yet again.

I was the member that had been in Levi's squad the longest, second in command actually. I also happened to be the oldest next to Levi himself. The others were Sasha, Connie, Mikasa, Jean, Eren, and Armin.

We used to meet up right after we'd come back, discussing possible future plans or anything we may have found while we were outside. Lately that didn't seem to be the case. There was simply nothing to discuss.

The room slowly empties as everyone goes their separate ways. It quickly occurred to me the only other person left in the room was Levi. He sits quietly at the end of the table keeping to himself. I wonder what was going on in his mind.

Is it the same as me? The last month I found myself with panic growing inside of me when time and time again we found nothing. It wasn't helpful hearing the other members begin accepting the idea we might finally be safe. They'd bounce ideas off each other regarding what they'd do once the outside was finally fully cleared.

They were excited, maybe as I should be as well. But selfishly I found myself hoping for something to happen, hoping to be needed again.

"Levi," I say hesitantly, walking up to him.

"Captain," he corrects as he brings his cup to his lips, sipping quietly on his tea.

I refrain from rolling my eyes. I never cared for this ranking bullshit. It was just something I could never get accustomed to. The others didn't seem to mind as much anymore, but I couldn't say the same for him.

"Levi," I say again, taking a seat next to him.

He rolls his eyes and looks at me, obviously annoyed.

"What do you think happens now? It's almost been a year..." I say, trailing off.

He doesn't answer, he just stares at me with the same straight face he always wears.

"I don't think anyone else understands. If the titans really are gone then what does that mean for all of us? What would we do?"

His brows scrunch up together ever so slightly as he eyes me.

After a long minute he finally replies. "You go back to doing whatever you were before you joined."

My eyebrows scrunch up as I frown. "You and I both know I lived underground before this. You of all people should understand why I need this. The others have families and friends to go back to. What do I have?" I ask.

He stares right back at me as if he could care less for the words that were spilling out of my mouth.

"And you? What about you?" I add.

His lips pull down at the corners, his eyes fall to look at the table.

"Then I suggest you find something to go back to," he replies, his tone flat.

Before I have time to reply he stands from his seat and walks away.

I huff, the betrayal stinging. "That's the first and last time I open up to you," I mutter.

Unexpectedly, he turns back to look at me. I purse my lips, I didn't think he'd hear me.

"As you should," he mutters back, turning back around.


	2. Two

"Settle down with the anger before you hurt yourself."

I huff, landing on a tree branch to look down at Levi.

"I need to make sure I stay in shape in case anything happens," I say, swiftly coming down to the ground and standing in front of him. "Maybe you should require the others to come train more often as well."

"They're well off with what they've been doing. What, you afraid you're losing your touch?" he asks.

"Hah, I'm sure I could kick your ass if it came to it," I say, quickly pulling out my blades towards him. "I've heard the others betting on who'd win."

He doesn't flinch an inch. "I wouldn't get too cocky. Mikasa seems to be catching up to you." 

I roll my eyes, putting my blades down. "She's good, I'll give her that." I fly through the air, spinning swiftly as I cut the target to thousands of shreds. "But I'm better."

"She has someone to fight for. She beats you there," he says, his voice in it's usual monotone. 

I glare down at him from the now destroyed target in the tree. That's a low blow Levi. "Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be in your office reviewing your empty notes?" 

He doesn't reply. Instead he looks up at me, raising a brow. "Sounds like I struck a nerve," he finally says.

"Go home Levi. Or should I say, go back to where you came from."

In the split second it took me to blink he had flewn up to stand right next to me. His aim was always so precise, he landed right in front of me.

"You're no better than I am, in fact I made it out of there before you did," he hisses. His voice comes out bitter. He's angry. 

"Sounds like I struck a nerve," I say, using his own words against him.

He glares intensely at me. If looks could kill...

I stare right back at him, a small smile creeping on my face. Before I know it, I'm laughing.

"Tch, you're so annoying," he says turning his body away from me, now looking out at the land in front of us.

"You're just upset I don't take you as seriously as the others do," I say as I take a seat on the tree branch.

To my surprise, he sits down next to me.

Neither of us say a thing. We just look at the passing clouds quietly pass by.

His eyes are intently focused on the sky, but his mind seems to be somewhere else. I wonder what he's thinking about.

After what feels like a long time, he finally breaks the silence. "You really are something else, [y/n]."

I gasp quietly, looking over at him. He's still looking ahead of him, his face still holding no emotion. I don't know what to say, so don't reply.

Instead I just look back at the sky with him, reminding myself we could never be.


	3. Three

Pairs of eyes all carefully eyed the map placed on the table before us. It had three circles of different sizes marked around the walls, each bigger than the one inside it. They marked the areas outside we had managed to cover on our expeditions. We had just finished covering the last of the outer circle last time. 

This time we'd planned to go even farther than we had ever gone before.

"We'll make sure everything is clear out here," Erwin explains, pointing at the map. "We'll also see if there's anything that could be useful to us out there, any resources we can find. If there's nothing, we can start looking into the plans that had been discussed to expand the walls, we could use the extra land."

"Let's see how eager the people who complain we should stop searching because the titans are finally gone are to live in the expansion of the walls," I say.

"It will take a while before we ask anyone to move out there, we can't ask anyone to risk their lives. We aren't even sure we have the tools necessary to recreate another wall as high as the ones we have now," Erwin replies.

"I'd live out there," I shrug.

I hear gasps come from those around me.

"Are you crazy?" Eren stammers.

"We've established that she is," Levi mutters.

I roll my eyes. "I could have my own farm out there, and all the space I want. An eyeful of the sky all day and night. I'd love that. Besides, I can take care of myself." 

I watch as the others imagine my vision in their heads.

"That does sound nice does it? The ones who are willing to go out there first would get first choice on their land," Connie says. When I look at him I can tell he's imagining what he'd do on his plot.

"I wonder how much farther the ocean is. Do you think we'd get to the point where some of us can live by the ocean?" Armin asks, excitement clear in his eyes.

I nod excitingly at him. "I don't see why not. That'd be exciting wouldn't it?"

It was a matter of seconds before the room was filled with chatter, everyone excited to share what they'd do with their plot of land.

The sound is quickly silenced by Levi banging loudly on the table. Everyone stops at once, eyeing him timidly. I roll my eyes.

"No one is going to live outside the walls anytime soon. [y/n], stop giving them foolish ideas," he snaps. 

"I don't see why it's such a problem. This could be in the very near future," I retort.

"You're not living outside the walls. Are you-"

I cut him off. "You can't tell me what to do Captain. If I'm living out of the walls I'm making my own-"

He cuts me off "[y/n] why don't you understand-"

"Understand what exactly? Understand that-"

"Enough!" Erwin booms.

I huff. When I look up everyone is staring at Levi and I with wide eyes. The dumbest things captivates people's attention these days. As if they haven't heard us bicker before. They should know by now we're always fine after we cool off.

"We've gone very far off track. We are here to discuss the upcoming expedition and nothing else. Are we clear?" Erwin demands, eyeing everyone in the room individually. He stops at me.

I nod once.

"Very well," he says, going back to the plan.

× × × × ×

After the dreadful and admittingly awkward meeting is finally over, everyone is free to go.

I'm the last to get up off my seat, ready to head to my room. 

A hand on my arm stops me, pulling me aside.

"What are you playing at? Whatever you're doing to fill your identity crisis void, stop it," Levi demands.

"You told me to find something to go back to, did you not?" I ask, raising my brow.

He stares at me, and I get the impression he doesn't know what to reply.

"Since when do you listen to what I say anymore?" he finally asks.

I think back. Come to think of it, it was probably since the last real plan of action we had. Oddly enough, I missed those days.

"Just because you're not doing anything to find your place in this world after this doesn't mean I'll sit and twiddle my thumbs acting like reviewing papers with no new information will take me anywhere." 

He clenches his jaw. 

"As if it matters what happens to me. I have no one left," I add.

He shakes his head ever so slightly. "You should know by now I care about you."

My stomach falls. I can feel my breath hitch in my throat. Millions of thoughts race through my head. 

I have to say something. The tension continues to quickly build when neither of us say anything.

"Is that even possible?" I ask in theatrical shock. "For you to feel emotion I mean."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

"You have to care about me. What would you do with out your best squad member?" I continue in effort to keep the mood light. 

"I can manage with out you," he replies flatly.

"I'm was hoping you'd say so. That's why I decided if the next expedition goes as planned I'm starting my farm outside the walls."

His eyes widen. "[y/n]-" 

"Calm down," I laugh, interrupting him. "I'm kidding... only for now anyway."

He huffs. "I really can't with you," he mutters.

I reply with a shrug. 

He shakes his head, walking away.

I watch as he walks down the hall, most likely going back to his room. His figure gets smaller and smaller the farther he gets. 

A sigh escapes my lips.

"I care about you too Levi," I whisper.


	4. Four

"You should know by now that I care about you." 

His words kept playing on over and over in my head. 

Stupid Levi. 

Why'd he have to tell me something like that knowing that it didn't matter. Or at least, it wouldn't change anything. 

Maybe that's why he said it. It didn't matter. 

It didn't matter if he cared about me, or the fact I cared about him. In the end we were just comrades. Besides, you had to care for your comrades, right? 

Maybe that's all he meant... 

Of course it was. It's important to care about one another. He's smarter than to let himself catch feelings for someone, especially someone that he could lose any day.

Besides, nothing could be more dangerous than letting emotions take over your head when carrying out plans of action. 

I've seen my fair share of scouts share the same fate of brutal deaths. People I cared about dying in the most horrific ways. I cared about them, and yet I couldn't let it hold me back, we had to keep advancing. I could only imagine the trouble it'd bring to ourselves or the others if we stopped and took time to grieve when there were titans surrounding us and the others were still counting on us. 

Of course it's inevitable sometimes. There will always be a few people you grow attached to more than the others. But how many can handle a relationship out in battle? The feelings themselves are already enough to keep you from thinking straight. What happens when a pair favors each other's safety over anyone else's? 

It's too dangerous, and although it hasn't been needed to be said, everyone seems to be aware of the fact. 

Levi would never risk putting himself or others in that situation. It was too big of a risk to have someone like him acting on his emotions. 

It was him who taught me to be level-headed, or at least as level-headed as I can get. I used to be much more impulsive when I acted out on my emotions in the battlefield. He soon realized it could be a problem. 

After all this time I admire how composed he can keep himself with the heaviest weight on his shoulders. 

He didn't lose himself all those times someone died right in front of him. Not even when his plan ended in someone's death. Not even when it seemed like all of us were going to die. And not even that time when his whole squad got wiped out, leaving behind only him and I. 

That day was definitely one of the worst. 

Levi had left to a communicate with Erwin when the rest of us where attacked by a large group of abormals that seemed to come out of no where. 

I remember dodging a titan's hand and somehow getting tangled up with my wires and tree branches as a result. To this day I have no idea how it even possibly happened.

I was struggling to set myself free as I heard the commotion around me. I knew I needed to get out and help them.

My heart raced as I heard the sound of them fighting back... and the sound of them failing. 

There was a sudden change when I heard Levi come back, taking down the rest of the titans, leaving them in a pile of steam. 

I still clearly remember his sigh of relief when he saw me dangling in the tree branches with my wires. 

He came to help me down as I froze in shock at the sudden silence. 

"Did the others all...?" I whispered, looking at him in the eyes as he freed me. 

He nodded once. 

When I got back on my feet I felt dread imagining what I'd see when I'd look down. 

"It's best if you don't look," he had insisted. 

I ignored him, taking a look at the aftermath of what had happened. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as I saw the scattered pieces that were left of our squad. 

I had considered them my friends. They had been so kind to me, they had always seen me and treated me as one of them. 

Despite my terror and despair, I couldn't cry. Instead involuntary sickness raised from my stomach, emptying everything I had eaten that day. 

Levi stood awkwardly beside me, placing his hand on my back. His unexpected touch made me recoil, triggering my fight or flight.

I still hadn't gotten used to anyone touching me unless it was to harm me. 

"We have to go," he told me when I finished. "Does your gear still work?" 

I fiddled around with my equipment. "I think so." 

He nodded and we made our way back to our horses to retreat. 

"They were all my friends," I told him, still processing what had happened as I mounted my horse. 

He nodded. "You'll soon learn it's better to avoid getting attached to anyone if you can help it."

I learned two things that day.

One, it didn't matter whether I had no one or someone, life would find a way to leave me all alone in the end.

And two, I finally understood Levi's attitude towards the world a lot more. I learned why he kept to himself and seemed to resent everyone. It was for his own sanity. 

But I wasn't going to be the same, I refused to let this cruel world keep me miserable.

I would survive, and I was going to have a hell of a time doing it.


	5. Five

"Where'd I leave that stupid bracelet?" I ask myself.

I'd already torn my room apart in efforts to find it, but I couldn't find it anywhere. A small smiles creeps on my face at that the thought of what Levi would think of the mess I made.

He'd probably make a comment of how spontaneous I can be and how the mess would've been avoided if I cleaned up as I looked. He'd probably even start helping me clean himself, knowing it would never look as spotless as his room if I did it myself.

I quickly shake my head to stop the thought. 

It's stupid that I care so much about the red string that was woven into a bracelet. I've just had it for so long, it started to mean something to me.

I huff, getting up from the ground. Maybe I dropped it somewhere in the building... or at least I hope so...

I head into the same room we were gathered in a few days ago, planning the upcoming expedition.

To my surprise, Erwin is already there.

"Is everything ok?" he asks.

"I can't find my bracelet, not a big deal," I shrug. "I was hoping to be able to wear it on our next expedition."

"The expedition's been postponed until further notice," he sighs.

"What? Why?" I ask, shock clear in my voice.

"Someone's destroyed the wagons. They were essential considering how far the trip was expected to be. We've lost a lot of important items as well. It's hard to say when we'll be able to recover everything we need."

"Who would do that?" I ask, knowing he most likely didn't have an answer.

He shrugs. "Someone who doesn't want us going out again."

I look down at the ground. I wonder what this means..

"I've been meaning to ask you..." he trails off.

Oh no, I hate when people start sentences like that.

"Yes?" I ask trying to conceal my impatience.

"Are you serious about possibly living outside the walls?"

Ugh. Here we go again. "Maybe," I shrug. "I don't know what else I'd do with my life if we didn't have titans to fight anymore."

"Have you talked to Levi about that?" he asks.

"Why should it matter what he thinks?" I try my best to keep my tone from coming out rude.

"You two have more in common than you two realize, maybe you can work something out together instead of jumping to crazy future plans," he suggests.

"Levi and I won't be doing anything together outside the scout regiment," I say, crossing my arms over his chest. 

He puts his hands up in defense. "All I'm saying is, you two are extraordinary with your skills, there'd be so much you could do instead of living outside like a nomad."

"I'd be as civilized as the people inside the walls. You said it yourself, we need the land, soon a lot of people will be living out there. Why's it such a big deal if I want to be the first?" I reply, beginning to get irritated.

He sighs. "I can't help but feel like this is to fill a void you have."

My stomach drops. I can't be that easy to read can I? "Of course it's not. I genuinely would like to have my own space out there." The second part wasn't a complete lie. 

"Why don't you consider staying inside for a while longer? Maybe until we're more certain it's clear outside. Something about the way they disappeared so suddenly doesn't seem right, I'm sure you feel the same way."

I don't reply. I stare back at him resisting the urge to reply knowing it'd be something snarky. Erwin was one of the very few people I bit my tongue with.

He laughs nervously. "Maybe you'll find someone to live outside with."

I raise my brow. "Like who?" If he's going to try to play match maker with me and Levi I swear...

He looks down. "I don't know... maybe the scout regiment being inactive will allow you time to find someone. It would be nice after all these of years of dedicating our lives to saving others to think about ourselves and what we want, don't you think so?"

Of course it would be nice, Erwin. If my our lives allowed I'd like to think I'd be able to freely have feelings for Levi without feeling guilt. Now having a problem about whether the feelings are mutual or not would be a completely different story. 

"Have you ever thought about it?" He asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Well," I begin.

"Am I interrupting something?" a voice interjects.

I turn automatically to see Levi leaning against at the doorway, his arms crossed.

Annoyance flashes across Erwin's face before it quickly vanishes. Annoyance? Did I really see that?

"Not all all," Erwin replies.

"I heard about the expedition," Levi says.

Erwin nods once, and just like that he's back to his usual commander front. "Someone managed to destroy everything. They didn't leave a trace. I don't know who'd do such a thing."

"Sounds like the expedition will have to wait."

Erwin nods. "That reminds me, I needed to check with Hange on a few things..." he trails off. "I should be going. We will get together soon and discuss a few things."

With a few nods from Levi and I, he's off.

"Thats unfortunate isn't it [y/n]? It looks like you'll have to wait longer to live outside," he mutters, walking over to the table to grab a few files.

I narrow my eyes at him.

"Sounds like Erwin has a thing for you, I've suspected it before," he says, flipping through the files.

I scrunch up my eyebrows. "What?"

He raises his brow at me, probably deciding if I'm playing stupid or am genuinely confused.

"You just confirmed you don't plan on involving anyone else in your current plans. More importantly to him, any other men," he says, sounding as if explaining something boring.

Is that what it seemed like? Erwin? There's no way. Besides, he genuinely seemed like he was encouraging me to team up with Levi... but then again, he knows that very likely would never happen.

"Erwin's always been very focused on his work. I'm sure he doesn't have time to bat an eye at any women, let alone me," is all I reply.

"Does that... disappoint you?" he asks, still sounding disinterested as he flips through the files.

I look at him with a weird expression. What are you trying to acheive with this conversation Levi?

I decide to mess with him. "No, it doesn't, but maybe I'd see what could come of it if I was given the chance."

He nods once.

"And you? Would you try to find someone?" I ask, hating the jealousy I felt when I asked. "Or do you already have someone in mind?" I tease, hoping my tone doesn't sound forced.

I expect, and maybe even hope, for him to completely shut down the idea. Maybe even say something about me asking stupid questions. Instead he avoids eye contact, looking at the floor as he replies, "I don't know."

I mixture of emotions flood me. Is it jealousy? Hopefulness? 

Does he mean he doesn't know if he'd look for someone? Or does he mean he doesn't know if he's found someone?

He's never shown interest in anyone, not that I've noticed at least. Then again, Levi doesn't display much emotion in general.

"There's no point in even considering it now. We still don't know what's going to happen," he says when I don't reply. 

I nod. "I suppose you're right."


	6. Six

The room buzzed with chatter. A few members had decided to throw a party to celebrate the one year mark of the disappearance of the titans.

One year already. I can't believe it. One year of no brutal deaths. One year of safe expeditions. And one year of me slowly losing value.

The celebration should be fun at least, or I hope so. In fact, I've been finding myself looking forward to it as well. It'll be nice to forget everything going on for one night.

Levi sits unamused as he watches everyone. His arms are folded across his chest, most of his food still on his plate in front of him. 

We watch as Sasha jumps up in the middle of the room. "We're gonna get drunk!" she exclaims, her mouth stuffed with food. 

"Who's going to remind them they're still not allowed to drink," Levi mutters.

I glance back at Sasha, she's quite the character. If I didn't know her so well already I'd question if she was on something. There's no way someone can be that energetic all the time.

I laugh quietly to myself. Being in the middle of everyone age wise had it's perks and downsides. Though I'm not much older than the others in Levi's squad, I sometimes found it hard to fit in with them. Sasha was an exception for some reason, I might even consider her a friend. She's the easiest to talk to of the bunch. She talks to me like any other person. I found that the others seem to see me with some type of superiority, maybe due to the fact I've been here longer than them. 

It's gotten better the more they've gotten to know me, but I really wish they'd losen up completely. They should know by now I won't bite like Levi does. 

"Will you be attending the party?" I casually ask Levi.

"What for? There's not much to celebrate. We still don't know if they're actually gone."

"A little party wouldn't hurt anybody," Hange remarks. I could tell she was most certainly excited about having a party here. "It's the one year mark. Letting our guard down for one night should be fine."

Levi huffs. 

"I will be attending," I chime in, smiling.

"[y/n], there is not a single person in this room who is surprised by that," Levi mutters.

My smile drops dramatically to match his empty expression as I look at him. He stares right back at me, neither of us saying anything.

"You are such a vibe kill," I finally say.

He doesn't respond, instead he takes a sip from his drink. I watch as the tiniest smile forms on his lips the moment his lips touch the cup. 

I stare at him awestruck. Did I just make him smile?

He looks at me again from the corner of his eye. I quickly look down. I hope he doesn't notice the heat flushing in my cheeks. 

Levi Ackerman. Why'd you have to be so... so... you?

"Easy for you to say, no one seems to phase you." Sasha's voice replays in my head.

He doesn't phase me in the way you'd think, Sasha.

"Maybe I'll go for a bit, make sure no one does anything too crazy," Levi says, making it a point to look at me for the last part.

I roll my eyes. "Anything I ever do is too crazy for you, Levi."

"Captain," he corrects.

"Only because you showed up before me," I accuse.

"And I'm more responsible," he replies neutrally.

"You trust me enough to put me second in command," I point out. 

He takes a sip from his tea. "You have your moments," he replies simply.

"You'd trust me with your life," I half joke.

He shrugs. "You're probably right."

Hah, whatever Lev- wait, what? Really?

Hange laughs. "I think anyone would've suspected that, I never thought I'd hear him admit it though."

He doesn't reply, not with words and not even with mannerisms. Looking at him you wouldn't even be able to tell he was part of the conversation, let alone paying attention to it.

I knew Levi trusts me, he's proven it when we were in tough situations outside the walls. I never thought I'd hear him say it out loud though, or agree to trusting me to such a high degree. I smile at the thought.

"You know, you too have the strangest friendship I've ever seen. Sometimes I can't tell if you two actually like each other or not," Hange continues.

"We're not friends," we say at the same time.

Hange gasps, taken aback by our response. It soon turns into a smile as she chuckles. "Right. Levi is too stubborn to admit he doesn't hate everyone and you, [y/n], are too stubborn to admit you'd get along with someone like Levi."

We both tense up. That shoe fit a little too Cinderella.

"It's not that deep, glasses," Levi mutters.

"We just work well together, it's our job to after all," I shrug.

Hange rolls her eyes. "Well I won't argue with that. You two are so intriguing to watch though. You're both such complete opposites yet you compliment each other so well."

What is this woman trying to get at?

"Well of course we do, can you imagine how things were to fall apart if we didn't work together so well?" I insist.

"Well it's not just that.." she trails off, tapping her bottom lip as she thinks. "I just think-"

"That's the problem. When you think too hard you start coming up with crazy ideas," Levi interrupts.

She laughs. "I've been right about many things before."

That reminds me.

"Hey Hange, did they ever find out more information about who destroyed the wagons?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Whoever did it knew what they were doing. They didn't leave a trace. In fact, they had to be knowledgeable in quite a few insider things." She leans closer and lowers her voice. "So much that Erwin and I suspect it might have been one of us. Someone in the scouts."

My eyes widen. "What?"

Levi huffs. "You act as if the wagens were covered by such high security. With so little activity lately our defenses have been low. Anyone with a brain could've slipped past long enough to cause damage."

"I disagree. There's so many factors that lead up to it being someone we know. The more things Erwin and I discuss, the clearer it seems."

"It doesn't make sense. No other expeditions have been messed with. Why this one? Does someone not want us going that far?" I ask.

Hange nods in agreement. "It does seem strange doesn't it?"

"The most activity we've had in a year occurs and everyone is still set on having a party." Levi says.

"And I plan to attend." I reply cheerfully.

He sighs, nodding once. "And of course [y/n] will attend."

I laugh. "And you as well."

"We'll see."


	7. Seven

My eyes scan the room for what seems like the hundreth time and for the hundreth time again I'm disappointed.

Levi is still no where to be seen.

The room was full scouts. Some where shyly hanging out by the walls of the room keeping amongst their friends while others were in the center of the room going all out. 

I can't help but smile seeing the people who a year ago worried for their lives loosen up.

"I wish I would've put as much thought as you did in what to wear tonight," Hange says as she approaches me, gesturing towards me.

I laugh quietly. "I only made a few changes to a shirt I've had for years. Who knows when the next time we get a chance to wear something nice will be."

"Well-"

"[y/n]!" Sasha screams, interrupting.

I turn to see Sasha running up to me holding a cup. "You have to try this," she says, stopping right in front of me.

I glance down at the cup she's holding. "Water...?"

"Drink it!" she demands excitingly.

Oh dear Sasha tell me you didn't end up finding a way to get alcohol in your system.

I hesitantly take a sip as I eye her suspiciously. My eyes widen in surprise. "What is this?" It tastes like water, but somehow different. 

"Remember that plant Hange found a few expeditions ago? It's edible! They mixed it in the water!"

"It's actually really good," I say as I take another sip. 

Sasha watches me intensely. 

I sigh. "Do you want the rest?"

She nods her head fast.

"You should've kept it for yourself, she's already had the rest of ours," Jean says, coming up to us along with the rest of our sqaud.

"I didn't want to get bitten," I joke. 

He laughs along with the others. "Smart. You look great today by the way." 

"She's not gonna fuck you Jean," Connie teases.

Jean gasps. "I- I just wanted her to know she's looks great tonight. Well, she always does, but you know, I just wanted... hah," he stumbles nervously through his words.

"I'm sure she knows. I'm sure everyone knows. Who hasn't ever paid enough attention to notice?" Connie says. "Well, except maybe Levi," he adds with humor in his tone.

"I do have eyes that work don't I?" A monotone voice answers, surprising all of us. 

I hear a chorus of gasps. 

I follow everyone's gaze to see Levi standing at the door, arms folded across his chest. His gaze meets mine but he looks away before I have time to react.

My heart flutters. 

"Shit," Connie mutters. "I didn't realize he was here."

I watch as Levi makes his way over to the drinks, starting up a conversation with Erwin.

When my eyes come back to the group I notice everyone's eyes on me.

"What was that about?" Mikasa asks.

"What was what?" I ask, playing dumb.

"What do you mean what? The captain just..." Eren trails off.

"Was rude to Connie? What's new?" I ask. "Sasha, give me my drink back," I say, trying to change the subject.

She gasps, her eyebrows pulling together as her mouth opens up in a frown. "It's all gone," she whimpers.

"Are you and the captain...?" Mikasa smirks.

I force out a laugh, but it comes out nervously. "You guys have the craziest ideas sometimes."

"Then why'd he-" 

"I'm going to go have a drink," I interrupt, walking towards the drinks.

I hear snickering behind me followed by Hange saying something I don't bother to try to catch.

"Hey," I breath, walking up to Levi and Erwin. "What's that?" I ask, looking at Erwin's drink.

"It's-" he begins but I grab it and chug it down before he finishes.

Erwin gasps. 

Levi tuts. "She has no manners."

I shrug. "No one cares when Sasha does it."

Erwin laughs. "Can I get you another one?"

"I would love that," I reply. He smiles and walks over to the drinks.

Levi huffs.

"What?" I ask.

"You going to lead him on now?" 

I give him a look. "I just accepted his offer for a drink."

He takes a sip from his drink. "Right."

"So..." I trail off. "You have eyes that work, don't you?"

He tenses up for a quick second before fully relaxing again. "I knew that'd get to your head."

I laugh. "Well, my eyes work too."

His eyebrows furrow. "What?"

The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop myself. "I pay enough attention to know you look great too."

His hard confused face softens in shock and I can tell he's taken aback. 

"Here you go," Erwin says, coming up from behind me and handing me my drink. 

"Thank you," I say in a sing song voice.

I do my best to play off unphased by the confession I just made, but my body and mind is freaking out.

"Are you ok, Levi?" Erwin asks, his eyebrows pulling together.

Levi nods. "I was just leaving."

My face drops. "You just got here."

He chugs down the rest of his drink. "Doesn't matter."

He turns to leave. Ugh. What did I do?

My eyes dart from Levi walking away to my drink to Erwin and back down to my drink. Before thinking I chug it down and place the cup on the table. "I have to go," I tell Erwin, leaving before he can reply.

"Levi," I call, almost running to catch up to him.

Man, for someone so short he really does haul ass.

"Levi," I call again, catching up to him, but he doesn't answer. "I know you can hear me you ass."

"What?" he snaps, turning around abruptly.

"Levi..." I whisper. Shit shit shit. Where am I even going with this?

We stand in silence, neither of us knowing what to say.

"I just..." I trail off.

He sighs, his face softening. "I think it's best if we leave what happened tonight as is, [y/n]."

My heart sinks. Ouch. 

I mentally laugh at myself. What did I expect? After all, we only admitted we find each other attractive, that's it. Even if there was anything, I know we shouldn't, and he's knows we can't.

I force a laugh. "Leave what? Tonight didn't mean anything."

He nods once. 

"Well, I'm going to head back to Erwin, see if he wants another drink."

"Another one?" He asks.

"None of your business," I sing.

"[y/n]," he warns.

I raise my brow. "What?"

He hesitates. "Just don't do anything stupid."

I grin. "Don't worry, I'm sure Erwin will be willing to carry me up to my room if I need him to. You have to admit, that man is strong." 

He clenches his jaw but his voice comes out indifferent. "Have fun then."

"I plan to."

He narrows his eyes at me. "Whatever."


	8. Eight

"So tell me [y/n]..." Hange trails off.

I pull my arrow up to my bow, focusing on the target a few yards away from me. I take a deep breath and let it go. It shoots fast, hitting my target dead center.

"Yeah?" I ask, turning my attention to Hange.

She smiles, raising a brow. "You and Erwin? Or was I right to suspect something underlying between you and Levi?"

I scoff. "What? Neither!"

"What was that between you and Erwin at the party then? There was definitely something there. And when Levi said that to Connie! That was interesting." She gasps. "Is there a love triangle going on?" 

I shake my head "Levi's just a closed off individual I happen to work with." I shoot another arrow at the target. Bullseye again. "And Erwin's just easy for me to talk to."

"You know, at first I didn't believe Levi when he said Erwin might have a thing for you." She laughs as she continues. "He said he feels like Erwin's too old for you."

"Levi said that?" I shrug. "Well, it depends on how old I am."

She scrunches up her brows. "What do you mean?

I shoot another arrow, it lands right on top of another, splitting it in half right down the middle. "I'm not sure how old I am."

She gasps. "What?"

"I'd like to say I have a pretty good idea, but it's hard to tell for sure when I don't even know when my birthday is."

"You don't know your own birthday? We all thought you just hated birthdays," she says in astonishment.

I laugh quietly. "No, if I knew my birthday I wouldn't let anyone forget it."

"That's terrible!" she exclaims.

I look over at her and I can tell she genuinely feels sorry for me. "There's worse things that have happened to me. Not knowing my birthday is the least of my worries." I hold out the bow towards her. "Wanna try? I can teach you."

She just stares at me, probably still processing the information she just learned. 

Finally she speaks, ignoring my question. "Why have you never told anyone?"

Dammit woman, take the hint and drop the subject. "There's more important things to worry about than just that."

She shakes her head. "It's not just that, we don't know anything about you before you joined the scout regiment besides the fact you came from the underground."

I huff, turning back to face the target. "There's not much to share." Or at least much I'd be willing to share I should say. 

"I've heard Levi was a criminal before," I add in hopes of changing the conversation again.

She laughs. "Has he never told you anything about it? That's how he became so skilled."

I glance down at the arrow I'm holding in my hand. I guess we both learned a couple of things down there.

Unwelcome memories start to come to mind. It's like the box that was kept shut in the back of mind was opened. I hate remembering. I hate thinking about it. All those years trapped down there. I feel dread flush through my body as my breathing becomes uneven. 

"[y/n]! [y/n]!" A voice calls. "[y/n] what are you doing?"

I snap out of my deep thoughts to find Hange standing in front of me, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me. "What are you doing?" she asks again. 

I instinctively look down when I suddenly feel pain coming from my hand. I gasp when I notice the blood coming out my palm which was clasped tightly around the sharp end of the arrow.

I relax my hand, letting the arrow fall on the ground. When I look back up at Hange her face is full of worry and shock. 

"Looks like I got a little cut," I laugh nervously.

She quickly takes my hand in hers. "A little cut?" she says in disbelief. "Look how deep that is. You need to go get that bandaged right away."

I pull my hand away and bend down to pick up the arrow. "I'm fine," I say, prepping to shoot the arrow at the target. I wince at the pain in my hand when I do so, my hand instinctively letting go of the arrow, making it shoot wildly. It misses the target entirely, instead hitting a nearby tree trunk.

"I was aiming for the tree this time," I try to joke.

Hange doesn't find humor in my comment, instead she scolds me. "Quit joking and get inside right now. I'll take you myself."

I huff. "Fine. I'll go by myself though, I can walk just fine."

She hesitates at first but finally agrees.

×××××

I look down at my hand as I walk inside the building. Yuck. It is admittingly pretty bad.

I bump into someone as I turn the corner.

"Watch where you're- what the hell did you do?" Levi asks, looking down at my hand in disgust.

"I had a small accident, it's not a big deal," I say nonchalantly. "Wanna lick it?" I joke, holding up my bloody palm inches from his face.

He steps back, holding my forearm to push my hand away from his face. "You are disgusting. You're going to get it bandaged, right?"

I shrug. "I figured I'd just clean it up in my room." 

He stares at me as if to say "really?"

Suddenly he's pulling me by my forearm, dragging me to wherever he's going. 

"What are you doing?" I whine, ignoring the butterflies his grasp gives me. 

"It's going to get infected and I know you won't listen unless I drag you there myself." 

I sigh, knowing he's right as I let him drag me around the halls towards the infirmary.

"Would you be dragging anyone else like this if the same thing happened to them?" I ask smugly.

He growls. "No, because I trust the others wouldn't think twice to go get bandaged."

We stop at the door to the infirmary. 

"What ever bro," I say.

He turns around to look at me. "What did you just call me?"

"Bro," I grin, pushing the door open and walking inside. If he didn't like it when I call him Levi, I can only imagine how he felt about his new nickname. I laugh quietly at the thought.

"Hey everyone," I announce as I walk inside. 

The infirmary was usually pretty empty these days considering there wasn't much activity. Seems like it's getting to the point where the scouts aren't the only ones that might lose our jobs. Already the staff was cut down to three people, and word's going around they might cut back down even more soon.

"[y/n]," the nurse greets me, coming up to me.

Levi follows close behind me. "This one managed to get hurt again, she needs to get bandaged up."

She nods, examining my hand. "I can take care of her from here," she looks at Levi.

He crosses his arms. "I don't mind waiting."

She looks shocked by his reply but nods. 

"He has a soft spot for me," I joke, helping myself to a seat.

He rolls his eyes. "The only thing I have for you is little patience."

The nurse cleans my wound. I wince slightly at the pain.

She quickly finishes up and soon my hand is bandaged up. 

I groan, looking at my hand. "I look stupid. "

"Stupid decisions, stupid consequences," Levi mutters.

I thank the nurse and make my way out of the infirmary with Levi following.

"How'd you even manage to cut yourself that bad?" he asks once we're outside.

I shrug. "Just happened." 

He stares at me, not buying my reply.

"Thanks for uh, bringing me," I say awkwardly. 

"I just didn't want to have to hear your complaining when it'd get infected," he claims.

"Right. Thanks anyway bro," I smirk, turning around to head to my room.

"Don't call me that." I hear him snap behind me as I continue down the hall. 

I can't help but laugh. 

I take one last peek at him before I turn the corner.

He's leaning against the wall, his arms crossed across his chest as he looks down at nothing, his eyes still holding that glint of emptiness we both try our best to hide.


	9. Nine

My eyes marvel as I look up at the sky. The moon is bright and full tonight, looking beautiful next to the millions of tiny twinkling lights in the sky. 

I've always loved coming up to the roof when the moon is full. Even after all this time it never fails to amaze me. 

I hear someone coming up to the roof but I don't bother to look. 

I hear someone take a deep breath. "What are you doing out here?" Levi's voice asks disapprovingly. 

"Looking at the stars," I reply, not taking my eyes off the sky. "Is there something wrong?" 

"I heard the others say they couldn't find you anywhere. I guess only I thought to look up here." 

"Were you worried about me?" I tease, turning to look at him. 

He huffs. "Well with all this talk about going outside the walls and then you hurting your hand doing who the hell knows what, I thought maybe you'd finally decided to take off." 

"So you were worried about me," I press, a smug look on my face. 

He rolls his eyes. "I've already admitted I care about you, what more do you want?" 

I don't reply, instead I look back up at the sky. "Do you remember the first time you saw the stars?" 

He takes a deep breath, walking over to sit next to me. "Yeah." 

"That's the first thing I remember about coming up from the underground. The sky. It's so endless! It just goes on forever! I remember thinking it was so bright and so beautiful that there was nothing that could top it... and then I saw it at night time. 

"Remember feeling the sun on your skin for the first time? It feels so warm and comforting, I remember staying out for so long I learned the hard way we can get burned." I laugh quietly at the memory. "The world is so beautiful up here even within the walls. You can see the trees, the plants, the birds, and when I look up at the sky, sometimes I forget that even up here, we're still trapped." 

He doesn't reply, but I can see him nod from the corner of my eye. 

"That's why I want to live outside the walls, to be in the world that feels as endless as the sky," I say, looking over at him. 

"I thought you wanted the titans to come back so you could keep doing this." 

I take a deep breath. "I was worried if I wasn't part of the scout regiment I'd be forced to go back underground," I confess. "If I don't have a use, if I don't have a purpose, then why would they let me stay up here?" 

"You've proven yourself worthy, they'd let you stay," he tries to comfort but his voice comes out in it's usual flat tone. 

I shake my head. "They told me when I made it in. They only allowed for people from the underground to try out because they were desperate for more people. They made it clear we'd be sent back the moment we were no longer useful." 

I remember the day I found out there'd be try outs. I remember feeling hope for the first time. If you had the skills, you'd be granted to live up here as long as you were proven useful to the scout regiment. I wanted nothing more than to get out of there, even if it meant I might die sooner. 

"Even then, where would I go? Headquarters is my only home. I don't know how protected you are since you've been here longer," I continue. "But the fact I can so easily be discarded and thrown back down there any moment now has been weighing in my head." 

"I didn't realize they..." he trails off. 

I laugh dryly. "It's funny isn't it? I finally had a plan that I was more and more committed to. I was looking forward for more land to be cleared in the expedition so I could feel some security knowing I could live out there if I was threatened to be put back underground. But someone decided to take that away from me. Life just loves to pull the rug from under you sometimes doesn't it?" 

"Maybe it's for the best for now," he mutters. 

I feel sudden anger build in me. Was he even listening to what I was saying? 

"It's not," I say through clenched teeth. 

"You haven't even thought it out thoroughly yet, you're just-" 

"Just leave me alone Levi," I interrupt. "I thought out of everyone at least you'd understand." 

I expect him to get upset with me too but he stays calm. "[y/n], it's just..." 

"Just what?" I snap at him. 

His face hardens and his voice comes out stern. "I don't want anything to happen to you all alone out there." 

My heart swells. What the hell Levi? You say things like this but shut down when I compliment you back. 

Would things be different if our lives were different? Would it be different if we were regular people living in the walls? I think back to what he said the night of the party. "It's best if we leave what happened tonight as is." Did he mean that because of our responsibilities? 

I don't say anything, instead I look back up at the sky. Out of no where a star appears, dashing across the night sky. 

I gasp and grab Levi's sleeve, shaking him lightly, not taking my eyes off the sky. "Levi! Did you see that? Did you see it?" I ask astonished. 

"I did," he whispers back. 

"It was a star! But it moved!" I exclaim, standing up and turning to look at him so fast out of excitement that I lose my balance. 

I fall backwards for half a second before Levi reacts quickly, grabbing ahold of me before I fall off. His hand grabs a fistful of my shirt, the only thing keeping me from falling who knows how many feet down. 

He pulls me back up, helping me balance back on my feet. My breath hitches in my throat when I realize his face is inches from mine. 

My heart flutters from what was originally panic to excitement. I can feel his fast breath on my face. His eyes are wide in shock and concern. I'm sure mine are too, but instead shocked by the fact he's still so close to me with my shirt still bunched in his hand. 

I can tell when he calms down, the shock in his eyes replaced by awe as they soften, not moving away from my face. I don't think I've ever seen this look in his eyes before.

What I'd give to know what he's thinking right now.

He gently pulls me aside and farther away from the edge ending the moment too soon for my liking. I move easily, still stunned. 

The only sound comes from my breathing which I was still struggling to calm down. 

His eyes fall to the ground. "You should head inside, it's getting late," he whispers, not looking at me. 

I nod, heading towards the entrance to go inside. I turn back when I realize he's not following. "Aren't you coming?" 

"Later," is all he says, turning his attention to the sky. 

I nod even though he can't see me and leave, leaving him alone on the rooftop. 

It was my desire to live that got me out of the underground. Now it's my desire to make the best of this possible new world we're living in. 

And if it's true it's a new world now, I hope that means it changes a few things between Levi and I.


	10. Ten

"Where were you last night?" Hange asks, catching up to me as I walk down the hall. 

"On the roof," I reply. 

"Ah," she says, tapping her finger on her lip. "I wish we'd thought to check there. Levi made it a point to make sure everyone knew how he felt about their 'lack of attention skills.'" 

I let out a chuckle. "Why was anyone looking for me that late in the first place?" 

She thinks for a moment. "Actually, I think it was Erwin. It didn't take long for Levi to catch wind you were supposedly missing." She laughs before continuing. "You should've seen how he rushed to your room to look for any signs that you had packed away anything. He really thought you'd ran away or something." 

I chuckle. "Everyone should know by now there's no need to worry for me." 

She suddenly stops walking. I stop to look back at her. 

She's looking at me with the same expression she had a few days ago when I cut my palm with the arrow. 

"What?" I ask. 

"Usually I'd agree, but maybe they're right to worry right now." 

I tilt my hand at her in annoyance. "Not you too Hange," I whine. 

She ignores me. "I know you're capable of taking yourself, but only when your mind is set straight. Lately you've seemed uneasy. And then what happened that day outside with the-" 

"I just got distracted, it wasn't that big of a deal," I interrupt. "I'm perfectly fine." 

She looks at me and I can tell she's unconvinced. 

"Thanks, but really, I'm ok," I insist. "I should be going now, see you later, yeah?" I start walking back down the hall the way we had been headed. 

"You better be staying inside. Your hands not healed yet!" she calls behind me. 

"Yeah, yeah," I answer, turning the corner. 

"So she's not lost after all," Connie announces. 

I look up from the floor to see him along with Jean and Sasha, all three of them carrying cleaning supplies. I can only guess who assigned them the job. 

I force out a chuckle and to my surprise is comes out sounding genuine. Years of practice can do that sometimes. "Guess not." 

"I'm so glad they found you. The captain was being so aggressive!" Sasha shudders. 

I laugh, and this time it's real. "Levi was? Never thought I'd hear that." 

"We just both speak our minds don't we [y/n]? It's only to your advantage that everyone seems to like your tone more," a voice behind me says. 

I don't bother to look at the source of the voice the three pairs of eyes in front of me stared at. 

"Is it my tone?" I ask, finally turning around. "Or am I just that much more likeable?" 

I hear a few gasps behind me. I always found it amusing how entertaining they found what a regular conversation between Levi and I was like. But then again, I can't argue with the fact no one else would get very far talking to him the way I did. 

Levi's eyes harden as he looks behind me. "Shouldn't you three be finishing up your chores?" 

I hear shuffling behind me as they apologize and dismiss themselves. 

His eyes flicker back to me, his eyes relaxing only the slightest bit. "It's your tone and the fact you don't intimidate anyone," he answers my question. 

I cross my arms. "I can be intimating. Everyone here knows I can kick ass, even yours." 

"We'll test that out one day."

"Let's do it right now," I say, putting my fists up in a fighting position.

"Your hands not healed yet, it wouldn't be a fair match," he mutters, eyeing my bandaged hand.

"I can still take you." I throw an air punch towards his face.

He doesn't flinch, instead he stares at me unamused. "Sure," he answers flatly. 

"Besides, my hand's not that bad anymore, want to see it?" I ask, unraveling the bandage.

He turns his face away, holding his hand out to stop me. "I really don't," he says in disgust.

"Chicken," I mutter, securing the bandage back in place.

He rolls his eyes. "You piss me off." 

"You can't stay mad at me," I tease, gently punching his shoulder. 

"Maybe that's a skill I should work on," he answers flatly.

I laugh. "No, I prefer you like this. I know you don't like to show it, but I'm sure you have a soft side in there." I hesistate for a second but continue before I can stop myself. "Maybe that's why I like you." 

His eyes widen, his eyebrows scrunching up slightly in shock.

I wait for him to say something, anything. But he just stares at me with the same expression on his face.

I laugh nervously. "What?" 

He shakes his head. "[y/n], don't do this."

My smile fades. "Why not? You can say things but I can't?"

"None of what I said matters," he mutters.

My heart sinks to my feet. My mind goes back to the times I spent questioning how sincere he was. I frown in a mixture of sadness and anger. "Then why would you even..." I trail off.

"Because, it doesn't matter," he says, emphasizing every word.

Any sadness I had is quickly replaced by anger.

"Bet it was hilarious for you to bullshit me about how much you cared about me. 'I care about your safety.' 'I don't want anything to happen to you.' Fuck off," I snap. "Just try to keep me here in the walls so I can be trapped here just like you."

He stares at me for a minute before replying. "I had told you not to open up to me."

I look at him in disbelief. "You know, you really are an asshole Levi," I hiss.

"So I've heard," he says, not a single ounce of care in his tone. 

His eyes flicker to look at someone behind me.

"[y/n], there you are," a voice says right after.

I look behind me to find Erwin standing there.

"Hey," I greet, leaving no trace to the fact Levi and I were just arguing. 

"I've been meaning to talk to you about a few things," he says. His eyes glance at Levi for a second before looking back at me. "About the upcoming expedition," he adds, as if explaining himself.

"Sure," I smile. 

He takes a deep breath. "It'd best if we discuss this alone."

"Ok," I say, looking back at Levi. "I'm sure Levi doesn't mind." 

Levi's eyes narrow the slightest bit. 

"If you'd follow me back to my office," Erwin invites. 

"Sure," I reply, following behind him. 

I can't help but to look back at Levi one last time. I see his eyes harden, his jaw clenching as he watches me follow Erwin to his office.

Erwin closes the door behind me. 

"You can go ahead and have a-" he stops himself when he turns around to see me already sitting down.

He nods, taking a seat in a chair across from me. "You know, when I went to go looking for you last night I didn't realize it would cause such a turmoil."

I laugh. "Why were you looking for me anyway?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the upcoming expedition," he says, sounding certain of his answer.

I raise a brow. "So late at night?" 

His face changes quickly as if he was caught in a lie. 

I laugh before he can come up with an answer. "What did you really want to talk about?"

He relaxes a bit. "Well, I wanted to ask if ever found your bracelet."

Really? That's disappointing. 

"No," I answer. "I might've lost it somewhere outside. The thing's so flimsy I'm surprised it ever lasted me so long."

"But you really cared about it," he points out.

I shrug. "I guess you can say that."

He smiles. "I know this could never replace whatever sentimental value that held to you but," he says, pulling out something from his drawer. "It's nice to have a fresh start every once and a while isnt it?" 

I watch as he hands me a red bracelet. It's thicker than my old one but flimsy enough it'll break in case I ever get it caught in anything to avoid injury to my wrist. 

I look down at the bracelet in my hands in a loss for words. "Erwin..." I whisper, not knowing what to say. 

"Do you like it?" He asks, his eyes soft and hopeful.

I look at him, barely recognizing the man in front of me. I'm used to seeing him so serious, his eyes focused on his responsibilities. The man in front of me was softer and laid back, for a moment I forgot he was the commander that lead so many on expeditions that would lead to their deaths.

I nod. "Thank you, I really appreciate it," I say, meaning every word.

We end up talking a while longer, and I learn a few things about him I would've never guessed.

He's more laid back than I would've ever imagined. I guess he has to play that uptight role as commander. He's different when it's not all business.

After a while, I decide it's time to excuse myself, and I leave his office, closing the door behind me.

The walk to my room gives me time to finally think about what happened earlier with Levi. My body finally gives in to the sadness that comes with the thought.

"It doesn't matter." His voice replays in my head.

I laugh at myself in my head. 

He's right, it doesn't matter, and I'll show him I can give as little fucks as he does.


	11. Eleven

Fresh outdoor air fills my lungs as I take a deep breath. I just finished training on my own, or at least the little I could with my healing hand. 

The leaves of the tree I'm lying under rustle softly with the light breeze. It sounds beautiful, a sound people who got the privilege of living their whole lives on the surface probably don't even notice anymore.

Another noise accompanies the soft sound. Footsteps. 

My head turns slightly to find Levi walking over to me. I huff, why won't he leave me alone?

"It's been more than a week," he says, stopping a few feet away from me. "Are you just going to keep ignoring me?"

"Why would you care?" I ask nonchalantly, turning my head to face the sky again, closing my eyes.

"Aren't you bored of talking to Erwin yet?"

I make a face, keeping my eyes closed. "He's actually really nice, maybe you should talk to him more to learn a few things."

I don't hear him reply, but I can sense he's still there. 

"Stop staring at me," I mumble flatly.

He doesn't reply again.

I huff, sitting up to look at him. He's still a few feet away, looking down at me. I sigh, standing up and crossing my arms across my chest. "What do you want?"

He glances down at my wrist. "Where'd you get that?" he asks, ignoring my question.

"Erwin got it for me."

He thinks for a second. "Guess you won't need this anymore," he says, tossing me a object.

I catch it, looking down at it. I gasp quietly. "My bracelet," I whisper. "Where'd you find it?"

He shrugs. "I just saw it on the ground, I thought it might be yours."

"You fixed it," I point out, examining the place it must have torn. It was neatly stitched back together with thread. I notice it's also brighter, he must have cleaned it up as well.

He shrugs again. "Yeah."

I can't help but smile. "Thanks," I say, genuinely meaning it. I struggle to put it on with my stupid right palm that still hasn't fully healed.

"Just put it on your other-" he cuts himself off, sighing. "Here," he says, walking over to me to help me put it on.

I look at his face as he concentrates on what he's doing. His lips press in a flat line as he gently ties it in a neat knot.

I try to ignore the waves of emotion I feel having him this close to me again. 

His eyes flicker up to meet mine when he's finished. His eyebrows are scrunched up slightly in wonder as he examines my expression.

My heart sinks remembering why I started ignoring him in the first place. 

"Thanks for my bracelet," I mumble. "I should be going back inside now," I say, walking past him.

"Are you going back to ignoring me now?" He asks behind me.

I look back at him. "Why do you even care? I thought you said nothing matters." 

"[y/n] of course it fucking matters," he says, his sudden frustrated tone making me jump slightly. 

"What?" I ask confused.

"I really thought you'd be smart enough to understand why we can't do anything about it," he says, his voice stern.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, still completely lost.

"I meant everything I said and held back so much more. I shouldn't have to tell you why, you know why."

I can tell he's frustrated and holding back, being careful with what he says.

"I care about you more than I'd like to admit," he continues when I don't reply. "I was only made more aware of the fact after all this time you spent ignoring me."

My heart skips a beat as I try to process everything he's saying. I stare at him, not knowing what to say.

"It's bad enough knowing I can't do anything about the way I feel about you but you holding a grudge against me like it's my fault is just ridiculous, especially when you should already know exactly why," he goes on, still frustrated. "You know why."

It's quiet for a moment. The sound of the leaves on the tree suddenly seems so loud compared to the complete silence coming from us.

"Will you say something?" He asks, getting impatient.

I look down at my bracelet he got back to me, a smile growing on my face. "Guess I was right about you having a soft spot after all."

He rolls his eyes. "Looks like you're still an annoying little brat."

I laugh, walking towards the building again. "Looks like you're still a grouch."

"Apparently you still like me," he points out, following behind me.

My heart flutters hearing him say it. "We all have our character flaws."

"What's mine?" He asks.

I smile widely. "The fact you think you can take me down in a match."

He tuts. "Once your hand heals you and I are finally going against each other. You're beginning to let it get to your head."

A rush of excitement goes through my body at the thought.

I stop walking to look back at him. 

"Just wait until I have you pinned down on the ground under me," I smirk.

His eyes widen as he gasps in sharply. 

"Let's go, it's almost time to eat," I tell him casually, starting to walk again.

It's a few moments before I hear him finally start to follow behind me.

"Fucking hell," I hear him whisper under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi Levi isn't a sub in this, he's just not down to act on his desires...yet. This goes to show he is in fact more responsible than [y/n]
> 
> Also, this story is also being published on wattpad as an OC named Arcadia. I couldn't decide if I wanted it to be an x reader or oc so... why not both.
> 
> I have most of this whole story planned out so I have no plans to abandon this. I'm currently writing chapter 18 so I can make sure I have a chapter ready to publish every Thursday. 
> 
> Shout out to anyone that's made it this far lol


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